If I Knocked; Would You Let Me In?

Most of the things that I write about myself and my friends are true. Some are exaggerated a bit to get a response from the reader. For example (and you have to have read previous posts to understand this): I really am a perfectionist that does not take compliments well when, in my mind, I am under-performing. I am not really an asshole about it (superior maybe). The following are more truths about me:

I do love a good cold, frosty beer; but I rarely get drunk anymore (my wife might say any less). I am the King of (darts in) Okmulgee County and will brag about it alot in my blog posts. I rarely berate an opponent (unless they are a trash talker) when I beat them and take their money.

Bartolina's aka Bart's is my favorite waterin' hole. I had my first beer there when I was 15. I have lived all over the place, but somehow keep ending up back here in Hooterville. But even when I was living elsewhere, I always made a point to try and stop by Bart's when I was in town.

I am a football fanatic (BOOMER SOONER!), and can watch it most anywhere, anytime. Pop Warner to NFL. I am an avid Oklahoma Sooner fan, regardless of the sport and been spotted in Austin, TX (home of the neutered bovines) wearing Sooner clothes.

I am a gambler. I enjoy playing poker and blackjack at casinos. I play poker online a few times a week (I play much better live). I have never been banned from the blackjack tables for counting cards, yet. My friends and I will make prop bets on most anything. Chinese poker is my new favorite card/gambling game.

I have been in the computer business full-time for over 12 years now. I used to make computers better for people; now I destroy them for the gold and other precious metals in them for myself. Plus recycling them keeps them out of the landfills (they're full of lead and mercury).

I am really into making money (and spending it). I've made alot in my short time on this earth and plan on making tons more before I go skidding off to that final resting place.

Everything I wrote about my funeral plans (see blog post "Am I a strange SOB") are 100% true!

I truly believe I am a semi-normal human being. What do you think? Would you let me in if I knocked on your door?

I Am a Superior Asshole

I'm an asshole! A nice one. I'll be polite and smiling the whole time I have you bent over. I don't intend to be one; it's just the way I am (I guess).

I have a superiority complex. If I am talking about something; I know more about it than you (I am a genius, after all). If I'm playing a game against you; I will win! I am just better and will tell you about it, at times. If I lose; either I am entertaining a friends ego, or I am practicing so I can one day humiliate you at your best/favorite game!

I quit playing football in high school, because I was an under-sized, mediocre player, to run track. I wasn't the fastest person but could run all day. Cross-country and the two-mile run were my specialties. If it came to a sprint; I was dead in the water. But, when you have a 200 yard lead with 400 yards to go; you don't worry about the sprint.

The same applies today. I play good darts and dominate the action at my favorite waterin' hole. If someone comes along that is better; I'm going to practice like hell so that I can kick their ass, too. Most people don't like to play me. The one's who do are good players that are trying to get better and beat the best. But the better the competition; the better I play, as well.

I play better than most at poker. I can drink you under the table. If you are competing against me in business; I will know more about my customers, market, and product than would fit in your head. I'm just superior than you in all ways that count, to me.

I don't talk alot of shit unless the person I just beat has been talking trash; and only after I have taken their money. Something about my whole superior attitude just tends to piss people off without me having to say a word.

I don't take complements well. I expect to be close to perfect no matter what I am doing. I take the old saying: "If it's worth doing; do it well", to new extremes. If I'm not living up to my own expectations and a complement is thrown my way; I usually reply (without thinking first): "I've been better.", or something to that effect.

Luckily, I have a few good friends who can see past my BS. I am really an overly nice person. Polite. You just have to look beyond my superiority (even when I'm correcting a mistake you just made) to find that person.

If you meet me and I seem rude, remember; it's nothing personal. I'm just a superior asshole! (But I will try to be nice about it).