If I Knocked; Would You Let Me In?

Most of the things that I write about myself and my friends are true. Some are exaggerated a bit to get a response from the reader. For example (and you have to have read previous posts to understand this): I really am a perfectionist that does not take compliments well when, in my mind, I am under-performing. I am not really an asshole about it (superior maybe). The following are more truths about me:

I do love a good cold, frosty beer; but I rarely get drunk anymore (my wife might say any less). I am the King of (darts in) Okmulgee County and will brag about it alot in my blog posts. I rarely berate an opponent (unless they are a trash talker) when I beat them and take their money.

Bartolina's aka Bart's is my favorite waterin' hole. I had my first beer there when I was 15. I have lived all over the place, but somehow keep ending up back here in Hooterville. But even when I was living elsewhere, I always made a point to try and stop by Bart's when I was in town.

I am a football fanatic (BOOMER SOONER!), and can watch it most anywhere, anytime. Pop Warner to NFL. I am an avid Oklahoma Sooner fan, regardless of the sport and been spotted in Austin, TX (home of the neutered bovines) wearing Sooner clothes.

I am a gambler. I enjoy playing poker and blackjack at casinos. I play poker online a few times a week (I play much better live). I have never been banned from the blackjack tables for counting cards, yet. My friends and I will make prop bets on most anything. Chinese poker is my new favorite card/gambling game.

I have been in the computer business full-time for over 12 years now. I used to make computers better for people; now I destroy them for the gold and other precious metals in them for myself. Plus recycling them keeps them out of the landfills (they're full of lead and mercury).

I am really into making money (and spending it). I've made alot in my short time on this earth and plan on making tons more before I go skidding off to that final resting place.

Everything I wrote about my funeral plans (see blog post "Am I a strange SOB") are 100% true!

I truly believe I am a semi-normal human being. What do you think? Would you let me in if I knocked on your door?

Just Who Do You Think I Am?

Some people think they know you. You just met them five minutes ago; yet they can tell everything about you. Hell, they know you better than you know yourself.

For example: I'm in the old waterin' hole one night when a group of people come through the door. A couple of them are regulars (and dart players) and one is a former beertender there that I had only seen twice before and said about six words to ever. "Get me a Bud." and "Another here." I think, before shift change brought in a different waitress. When she comes in she says: "Oh, there's Gary!" (I couldn't even remember her name) and proceeds to stagger over to where I am seated and give me a hug. Being the polite asshole I am; I said hi to her and then turned my back to her and began talking with someone else. She then plops down beside me and starts in on me about how great a guy I am and that I really should come over to the other side of the bar and play darts with them. Her first mistake is: Neither of the guys she came in with wanted me to come over and play darts because they can't beat me and they know it. Secondly, I am not too keen on being touched by strangers (unless I am paying them to touch me .......... [I like a good massage, once in a while]). I am definitely not a hugger of them. Third. The crap compliments she was spewing my way, made the friend, who was with me, almost fall off his bar stool laughing! Anyone who really knew me, probably, wouldn't be complimenting me (perfectionist/superiority complex) about how nice and great a guy I am. I am a superior asshole (see previous posts if you don't understand).

While I am a nice guy on here; I'm sure that most of you would not like me too well in person. I just have a way of pissing most people off. I know this was her lame attempt at flirting. Which, if she really knew me, wouldn't have been happening either! I've been with the same woman for 22 years and ain't planning on leaving her, just yet. What's that song by Robert Earl Keene? "Rich, Young, Dumb Nymphomaniac" She probably qualifies on the last 3 parts of the title, but not the first. But who am I to say. I DON'T REALLY KNOW HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!