Dimebag Darrell, too Much Beer and 18 Y/O women

Ah shit! Its been a long night....

The B and I started drinking beer tonight (on my lawn) and decided that we were going to get up tomorrow and go float the Illinois River down at Tahlequah, OK...Nothing big, just a three hour tour (no Gilligan, Professor or Maryanne) in the early morning down a clear, clean Oklahoma River....Shit happens....plans change.

So, we're sitting in my front yard drinking some cold, crisp, refreshing Budwieser's (and a few Bud Selects that the B-man is carrying around in the cooler bungie strapped to his bike [Suzuki Boulevard])...And we come up with the idea of hitting the river early and doing a little tubing....and drinking......Getting home early so that he can climb back into the truck early Friday AM and deliver you some of that overpriced $4.00+ a gallon gasoline. But, shit happens....

We make the three and a half block (him on the Boulevard and myself in my truck) treck to his house to check the tubes and get things together for the morning trip. He has more of that crap Select in his fridge and we begin consuming it...

Somewhere in this time his Brother-in-law's (ex b-i-l...whatever) girlfriend (mother of his child) calls and wants to know where T is... B doesn't know cause he had been trying to call him already and he wasn't picking up....

So Miss M and here 18 y/o cousin ends up at the B-man's house with us...We suck down the beer in his fridge and end up going to M&T's house (T had called in the interim....finally)...

Turns out that the T-man is an old school (though much younger) head banger like yours truly...We drink all of the beer in his fridge and make a run to get some more...

Somewhere along the way (or when we got back....who the hell knows...) T and I started discussing music and the untimely deaths of some musical genuises: ....Morrison....Joplin...Hendrix...etc...

Somewhere I asked if he had seen the pic of Dimebag in his coffin...And then he had to break out the T-vo and the 'Behind the Music' episodde on VH1 of Pantera and Darell....So we drank a few more and watched Dime do his thing and ultimately...die...

That kinda ended the night on a down note and I took the B home...Somewhere along the way we decided it was way too late (and we were way too drunk) to attempt to try to get up and head to the river in a couple hours...Maybe next week...

The 18 y/o woman....that's still up in the air....Maybe we'll talk more about that li'l cutie....later...

If I Knocked; Would You Let Me In?

Most of the things that I write about myself and my friends are true. Some are exaggerated a bit to get a response from the reader. For example (and you have to have read previous posts to understand this): I really am a perfectionist that does not take compliments well when, in my mind, I am under-performing. I am not really an asshole about it (superior maybe). The following are more truths about me:

I do love a good cold, frosty beer; but I rarely get drunk anymore (my wife might say any less). I am the King of (darts in) Okmulgee County and will brag about it alot in my blog posts. I rarely berate an opponent (unless they are a trash talker) when I beat them and take their money.

Bartolina's aka Bart's is my favorite waterin' hole. I had my first beer there when I was 15. I have lived all over the place, but somehow keep ending up back here in Hooterville. But even when I was living elsewhere, I always made a point to try and stop by Bart's when I was in town.

I am a football fanatic (BOOMER SOONER!), and can watch it most anywhere, anytime. Pop Warner to NFL. I am an avid Oklahoma Sooner fan, regardless of the sport and been spotted in Austin, TX (home of the neutered bovines) wearing Sooner clothes.

I am a gambler. I enjoy playing poker and blackjack at casinos. I play poker online a few times a week (I play much better live). I have never been banned from the blackjack tables for counting cards, yet. My friends and I will make prop bets on most anything. Chinese poker is my new favorite card/gambling game.

I have been in the computer business full-time for over 12 years now. I used to make computers better for people; now I destroy them for the gold and other precious metals in them for myself. Plus recycling them keeps them out of the landfills (they're full of lead and mercury).

I am really into making money (and spending it). I've made alot in my short time on this earth and plan on making tons more before I go skidding off to that final resting place.

Everything I wrote about my funeral plans (see blog post "Am I a strange SOB") are 100% true!

I truly believe I am a semi-normal human being. What do you think? Would you let me in if I knocked on your door?

Just Who Do You Think I Am?

Some people think they know you. You just met them five minutes ago; yet they can tell everything about you. Hell, they know you better than you know yourself.

For example: I'm in the old waterin' hole one night when a group of people come through the door. A couple of them are regulars (and dart players) and one is a former beertender there that I had only seen twice before and said about six words to ever. "Get me a Bud." and "Another here." I think, before shift change brought in a different waitress. When she comes in she says: "Oh, there's Gary!" (I couldn't even remember her name) and proceeds to stagger over to where I am seated and give me a hug. Being the polite asshole I am; I said hi to her and then turned my back to her and began talking with someone else. She then plops down beside me and starts in on me about how great a guy I am and that I really should come over to the other side of the bar and play darts with them. Her first mistake is: Neither of the guys she came in with wanted me to come over and play darts because they can't beat me and they know it. Secondly, I am not too keen on being touched by strangers (unless I am paying them to touch me .......... [I like a good massage, once in a while]). I am definitely not a hugger of them. Third. The crap compliments she was spewing my way, made the friend, who was with me, almost fall off his bar stool laughing! Anyone who really knew me, probably, wouldn't be complimenting me (perfectionist/superiority complex) about how nice and great a guy I am. I am a superior asshole (see previous posts if you don't understand).

While I am a nice guy on here; I'm sure that most of you would not like me too well in person. I just have a way of pissing most people off. I know this was her lame attempt at flirting. Which, if she really knew me, wouldn't have been happening either! I've been with the same woman for 22 years and ain't planning on leaving her, just yet. What's that song by Robert Earl Keene? "Rich, Young, Dumb Nymphomaniac" She probably qualifies on the last 3 parts of the title, but not the first. But who am I to say. I DON'T REALLY KNOW HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Writer's Block is a Pain in the Ass

I started on a post about how I don't believe that I dream, during sleep, anymore. Guess you'll have to wait on that, because about halfway through it; I hit a wall. I didn't like the angle the story was taking and could not conjur up anything else from my frazzled brain to make it any better! So screw it! This blog is called "the ramblings of a middle-age madman" so I'll just let a few things fly out there and see how you like them.

You all need to check out, join, then post some crap to my new club: The Yuwie Sarcasm Society. If you're a smart-ass; this is the club for you. It is an adults-only place so you don't have to censor yourself if you don't want to. Someone else needs to post something there; K.C. and I can't do all of the talkin'! Where's your will to be weird? Enough of the pimpin'; back to the ramblin'.

I normally have tons of ideas flowing through my skull at all times. They are there now but I just can't get them from that black hole of my brain to my fingers that are pounding this keyboard. I see the problem. It's nearly 5:00pm on a Saturday and I haven't had a beer! Be right back .......................

Took a bit longer than I thought. Had to make some nachos. Freshly grated cheddar-jack cheese, ................. hot, thin, crispy, tortilla chips, ....................... jalapeno peppers, ..................... ice cold beer, .................... makin' you drool, aren't I. Tough, it's all mine! Unless you're a really cute girl. I've given alot more away to cute little brunettes.

I've always preferred a dark haired woman. Blondes may have more fun; but the brunettes will tell you exactly why it was fun so you can do it to them again (and again)! Not that I've ever turned down a blonde; or a red-head for that matter.

Hot pink hair is cool on a woman, too. If she's willing to do that to herself and show it off in public; she's going to be pretty damn kinky when you get her behind closed doors. If she has multiple piercings, too; look out! Tat on the lower back? Damn, it's getting hot in here.

How did we get there? Oh yeah: rambling. It doesn't appear that the beer is unblocking my brain so I think I'll try to have another. I'll go ahead and post this so that while I am drinking another beer or two or three or ever how many; you people can post comments and give me your opinions on writers block, women, nachos, jalapenos, beer, pink hair, tats, piercings, whatever else may be on your mind.