Tuesday, March 17, 2009

In Honor of St. Paddy (and many of my ancestors) I present...

Humorous Irish quotes, toasts and sayings.


St. Patrick's Day Toast
Here’s to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one
A pretty girl and an honest one
A cold beer – and another one!


Slap!
An Irishman, an Englishman and a beautiful girl are riding together in a train, with the beautiful girl in the middle.The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!

The train comes out of the tunnel. The woman and the Irishman are sitting there looking perplexed. The Englishman is bent over holding his face which is red from an apparent slap.

The Englishman is thinking "Damn it, that Mick must have tried to kiss the girl, she thought it was me and slapped me."

The girl is thinking, "That Englishman must have moved to kiss me, and kissed the Irishman instead and got slapped."

The Irishman is thinking, "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Englishman again!!


Irish Saying
An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the earth.


Charles M. Madigan
St. Patrick -- one of the few saints whose feast day presents the opportunity to get determinedly whacked and make a fool of oneself all under the guise of acting Irish.


Irish Saying
There are many good reasons for drinking,
One has just entered my head.
If a man doesn't drink when he's living,
How in the hell can he drink when he's dead?


Sign in an Irish pub:
"This establishment closes at 11 o'clock sharp. We are open from 10 a.m. until 11 p.m. and if you haven't had enough to drink at that hour the management feels that you haven't really been trying."


Irish Blessing
May the Good Lord take a liking to you... but not too soon!


St. Patrick's Day Toast
Saint Patrick was a gentleman
Who through strategy and stealth
Drove all the snakes from Ireland
Here's a drinkee to his health!
But not too many drinkees
Lest we lose ourselves and then...
Forget the good Saint Patrick
And see them snakes again!


Irish Saying
There are only two kinds of people in the world;
The Irish and those who wish they were.


Irish Toast
It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money!


Irish Blessing
May you always walk in sunshine.
May you never want for more.
May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door.


Edna O'Brien
When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious.


Irish Quote
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to Heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven.


Irish Proverb
Drink is the curse of the land. It makes you fight with your neighbor. It makes you shoot at your landlord and it makes you miss him.


Alex Levine
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.


Oscar Wilde
Work is the curse of the drinking class.


Irish Drinking Toast
Here's to me, and here's to you,
And here's to love and laughter –
I'll be true as long as you,
And not one moment after.


Her Body's a Temple
Patrick O'Malley hoisted his beer and said: "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" - and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.

In bed later that night, he told his wife: "Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?"

So he told her: "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh," she said, "that is very nice, dear."

The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy's drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: "Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?"

She replied: "Aye - and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he's only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come".


Noel Gallagher
I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for my Mum. I know I've got Irish blood because I wake up everyday with a hangover.


Irish Drinking Toast
May your glass be ever full,
May the roof over your head be always strong,
And may you be in heaven
Half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.


Barry McCaffrey
When I get a very generous introduction like that I explain that I'm emotionally moved, but on the other hand I'm Irish and the Irish are very emotionally moved. My mother is Irish and she cries during beer commercials.


The Mouse on the Barroom Floor
Some Guinness was spilled on the barroom floor
when the pub was shut for the night.
Out of his hole crept a wee brown mouse
and stood in the pale moonlight.
He lapped up the frothy brew from the floor,
then back on his haunches he sat.
And all night long you could hear him roar,
‘Bring on the goddam cat!’


Irish Toast
Here’s to fine wine, women, and song.
And here’s to workdays that aren’t too long.
Here’s to shoes that always fit.
And here’s to you, you silly shit!


Irish Quote
God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.





Have a happy and safe St. Paddy's Day!...And drink a Guinness for me and I'll be sure and have a few for you.

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