When you've been with the same woman for over 22 years, like me; there have been times when you have lied to her. I submit to you ten lies I have told my wife and the truth behind them.
Number ten: "Honest honey, that's the way my family greets all of our Arkansas cousins." She caught me with my tongue down some young blonde tramps throat.
"But I'm from California." *giggle* the dumb blonde says.
Number nine: "We went out to eat after playing darts and I left my phone in the car; that's why I didn't answer your call." My dart buddies and I took a road trip down the back-roads of Okmulgee and McIntosh Counties, getting drunk off our asses. I didn't answer the phone because Floyd was singing too loud for me to hear the damn thing going off.
Number eight: "No, I wasn't flirting with her. We were talking about football" We were discussing how hot she looked in those shorts and tank top.
Number seven: "Todd invited me out after work to a party at his friends house. I didn't know that there would be girls there." Todd tells me at work:
"Man, you gotta' come to this party tonight. There's gonna' be some fine-ass women there!"
Number six: "I had a flat, so Dean brought me home when he closed the bar." I was too wasted to drive home. Dean found me asleep in my car, woke me and took me to my house.
Number five: "It looked flat in the dark!" See above.
Number four: "I was just helping to position her properly for throwing darts." Yeah, I was grabbing some chicks butt while she was throwing a dart. In all fairness; she had been grabbing mine while I was trying to throw, too.
Number three: "Shelly? Oh, she's just an old friend from school. It's not like we ever went out or anything." Shelly had jumped up and given me a big hug at a football game, telling me of her recent divorce. In high school, I was Shelly's first......
Number two: "I'm just going to stop and have one beer." She should know better than that by now.
Number one: "Blog Groupies? Pictures in my e-mail? I don't have a clue what you're talking about, dear."
